I’m bored and rather unproductive this morning so I thought I would pass onto you a wacked list of weird toys. Apparently some equally whacked Reverend makes a list every year of toys he thinks is innapropriate for public consumption. This year sports some nice pus-ridden, viral infected, reindeer pooing and sexually suggestive creations for your tots. Enjoy over your morning coffee. Be warned, I take stabs at various religious icons. There is no shame in the internet and very little Sims content in this post.

1.- Bounce n’ Shake Wacky Mike from movie Monsters Inc., by Disney’s Pixar. Ages four and up.

Children violently interact to hurt, cause pain to lovable Mike character. Highly and sadly interactively violent. What were they thinking when they designed this toy?

Maybe the question should be “What were they thinking when they released the movie?”. Personally I think a toy named “Wacky Mike” is pretty slick, no matter what it does.

2.- Electronic Stretch Screamers by Manley Toy Quest. Ages five and up.

How far can you stretch your monster? Listen to him scream. Pus comes out of the head when squeezed.

Yum. What’s a good toy without a little pus thrown in the mix. At least they’re promoting realism. Last time I squeezed someones head, pus did indeed spurt out.

3.- Resident Evil: William Birkin and Sherry set, based on the Sony Playstation video game. Ages eight and up.

As Birkin continues to mutate he will seek out suitable subjects for implantation of his G-virus embryo. He is drawn to his daughter Sherry, whose compatible genetic code makes her the perfect specimen. . . .

The list researchers say this toy borders on promoting incest. Of course I fail to see how getting infected by a virus and incest are anywhere near each other on the morality scale. I would love to see the good Rev. sermons. “Blessed be those that are infected. You, you in the third row with the cold! Incestuous sinner!”. Yes, yes. It’s a G-virus embryo, but that doesn’t mean it grows into a giant creature from the black lagoon. Or does it? Never mind. Resident Evil rocks. We need more zombies in The Sims.

4.- Finishing Moves, World Wrestling Federation action figures by Jakks Pacific. Lita versus Bubba Ray Dudley. Parental guidance suggested.

Male figure has tongue hanging out, with his head between female action figure’s legs. Sexually suggestive.

I haven’t seen this toy so I can’t comment, but any toy that is associated with the WWF needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Maybe it’s time kids were introduced to the evil nature of oral sex and what better way to do it (besides a copy of Dr. Suess’ Kama Sutra) than the WWF?

5.- Fisher Price Mummy King Play Set by Mattel Toys. Ages three and up.

Action figure’s mask shoots off, fists shoot off. Frightening action figure for a toddler.

Alright! Flying fists of fury. We definately need this feature for Bella Goth next time she goes on a hissy fit over one of her paintings.

6.- Max Steel N-Tek Adventure Pack: Explosives by Mattel Toys. Ages four and up.

Realistic set demonstrates explosives as an innocent, fun plaything.

You mean explosives are not innocent? And when will someone make an explosive set for The Sims? I’m dying to see Bob Newbie’s head go flying across my Sim carpet.

7.- Monsters Inc. Splatter Dome by Disney’s Pixar and Hasbro. Ages five and up.

Make and destroy gooey creations, including a teddy bear. Children are able to act out their anger and frustration destructively in guise of fun, with no consequences.

Is it just me or saying gooey and teddy bear in the same sentence just doesn’t sit well. And such violence from Disney.

8.- Lord of the Rings Orc Overseer by Toy Biz. Ages five and up.

Orc Overseer can whip newborn Urak Hai as he rises out of his birthing sac. Toy depicts sado-masochism, encouraging child to whip deformed newborn being.

Whipping deformed newborn beings? If kids think Orcs are real then Mommy and Daddy need to have a talk with them about the fine line between fantasy and reality and stop taking them to Lord of the Rings movies claiming them to be documentaries.

9.- Oh Deer – The Super Dooper Reindeer Pooper by Midlon Foods Inc. Ages three and up.

Jelly bean toy inappropriate for sale in children’s toy store. . . . Insensitive and offensive to Christians celebrating Christmas. Offensive to secular holiday season.

I guess the wacky flavours of jellybeans (or whatever they were) from Harry Potter is out too. No vomit flavored candy this year. Just hope I don’t get any of these in my stockings.

10.- Stan Winston Creatures by Stan Winston Creatures. How to make a monster; the visitor; Queen of the lair. Ages five and up.

Graphic depictions of gore, mutilation, pain, suffering, with highly questionable value as playthings for five-year-olds.

I don’t know about you, but I would say “Cool” if I was five and got this under the tree.

Maybe some of these toys are inappropriate for children, but they sure would look spiffy on my desk at work.