Gonzo blogging from the Annie Leibovitz of the software development world.

Day: October 3, 2001

Gak! Two posts in one day. Oh well, more fantasy expansion packs for your Sims.

The Sims Frogger Mode

No houses, no bills, no screaming babies or repo men. This is hard, crude Sims at their best. The goal is to just get across the street. Various cars looking for employees who can’t be bothered to go to work zoom up and down the streets looking to pick off a new victim. New objects include the pothole, manhole cover and Men At Work signs to discourage drivers.

The Sims Heavy Metal Mania

Instead of building homes, you construct sound stages for public performances. Armed with miles of gaffer tape and electrical cords, you build the best darn show on SimEarth. New NPCs include Arnold the Roadie Manager, Bucky the Assistant (guaranteed not to work after 3:30pm, he’s union after all), and Buffy the Groupie who performs various feats of astonishing talent like getting doughnuts and stripping on request. Bonus points if you can actually convince a band to play the stage for you.

The Sims Movie Studio

Build a fully featured movie studio including lights, camera and all the action you can get. New NPCs include Tonka the choreographer who will train your actors to learn the art of wire-fu fighting. New objects include the directors chair, set backgrounds that look too good to be real, and the annoying megaphone where your Sims can run around and pretend they’re in charge. If you build a sucessful movie set, maybe Steven Spielburg will visit and tell you how he got into the business.

More fantasy expansion packs we’d like to see…

The Sims Lost Souls

You start as a ghost and wander the SimEarth aimlessly in search of Leonard Nimoy. There are no personality traits except for how scary you are to real Sims (NPCs) who visit your grave. There are no objects and you don’t have to worry about the repetitive Sim type functions like eating, sleeping and hygiene. You search the local paper for jobs haunting old houses and dream of that day when a cheap Hollywood movie will be made featuring you opposite Shannon Doherty and Liam Neeson.

The Sims.com

You start with 1,000,000 Simoleans and have to reach IPO status in 30 days. The only objects you can buy are those over the price office chairs that look like something from Star Trek and a warehouse full of old, decrepid office furniture from past .bomb companies. Objects can only be resold on eBay with the risk of not getting paid because you’re dealing with a 14 year old with Daddy’s credit card. You can also optionally buy the latest technology knowing that it will be out of date the minute you even start looking at it and will depreciate faster than you can say Bill Gates is my hero. New NPCs include a bevy of lawyers who are just ready to represent you in court over DMCA copyright issues for selling MP3 music on the Internet.

The Sims Slumlord Expansion Pack

You run a neighborhood consisting solely of run down, broken, roach infested apartment buildings. No object is priced over 40 Simoleons and new NPCs include Benny the Drug Dealer, Glinda the Happy Hooker and Guido the killer pimp. Your goal is to fix as little as possible in your neighborhood and try not to land yourself in jail for zoning violations.

The Sims Senate Special Edition

Career paths have been limited to politics in this fun-filled, back-stabbing, secret covert operations expansion pack. Race against friends to achieve the ultimate goal, to beat a poor CIA operative into divulging the location of Area 51. Scandals happen every 3 days but you can skip a day and stay at home if you want. New objects include the secret spy cam that you can place in other peoples offices to catch them shredding internal documents and re-sell the footage to CNN. Alternately, sleep your way to the top and become President only to be assasinated your first day in power.