You know I get about 200-300 emails a day (most of it spam) but this just was too funny not to share. At least, in the end, it didn’t have any links to penis growth pills or some such silly thing. There needs to be more people like this in the universe:
I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.
I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.
In terms of payment:
I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.
Please transport unit in either a large brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday July 28th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.
Twenty-three inches in from the outside edge of the corner at the South West
Corner of Cummings Ave. & Village Street in Woburn, Mass. is at Latitude
42.4845467 & Longitude -71.1576157 and the ground is 101.3′ above sea level.
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!
(NOBODY HAS BEEN ABLE TO TRANSPORT ANYTHING SO FAR WITHOUT THE TRANSFER BEING DEFLECTED). I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.
Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.
After unit has been sent please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.